I came to terms with having to work full time instead of being a stay at home mom a long time ago. I believe moms should be able to stay home or work without having to feel guilty or argue about which is better. It's a truly personal decision that everyone has to make for themselves. I like being able to have an "outside" life separate from my family. I find I am have a tendency to feel smothered and isolated when I don't work outside the house.
Inevitably, though, there are some times that I absolutely feel as if I am missing out on my children's lives and it makes me extremely depressed. My 5 year old will be having his class Halloween Party next week, and I was hoping to be able to leave work early to go. I was so excited and was making all sorts of plans for early trick or treating after the party. Unfortunately, I just found out that my co-worker will be taking the day off, which means I probably won't be able to leave early. I'm not a big cry-baby, but I almost burst into tears when I found out.
I should know better, I should have gone to my manager and asked for the time off last week, but I put it off. And maybe, just maybe, I still might be able to work something out. My mom's already planning on going, so at least someone will make the party, which will make my son happy. But as of right this moment, my heart is broken and I the song that is playing in my head is: "It's the End of the World as We Know It".
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Books, Books & More Books
Ever since I got my new Kindle Fire, I've been reading up a storm. Audio books, library books, free downloaded Amazon books, you name it, I'm reading it.
My favorite genre is Sci Fi/Fantasy, but I've decided that it's time to branch out and try some new types. However, I had no idea where to start. I thought I would check out the internet for recommended reading and from there I've created lists of books to read. (More OCD, anyone?) I think I went a little overboard, though. I don't think I'll ever get through all of these lists! I already had lists started for my favorite authors: Madeline L'Engle, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Terry Brooks and Anne McCaffery. Now I've added more:
Happy Reading!
My favorite genre is Sci Fi/Fantasy, but I've decided that it's time to branch out and try some new types. However, I had no idea where to start. I thought I would check out the internet for recommended reading and from there I've created lists of books to read. (More OCD, anyone?) I think I went a little overboard, though. I don't think I'll ever get through all of these lists! I already had lists started for my favorite authors: Madeline L'Engle, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Terry Brooks and Anne McCaffery. Now I've added more:
- Oprah's Book Club (Crap, now she's got Book Club 2.0, guess it's time to update again)
- NPR's Top 100 Science Fiction Books (so much for branching out)
Happy Reading!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Look What I Did!
When I was younger I used to spend a lot of time painting my nails with unique (for me) designs and colors. I always loved doing it, but as I got older and had less time for myself, I stopped doing it. Oh, I would occasionally get a wild hair and do something, but for the most part I stopped painting my nails completely.
Recently, I had the urge to paint some designs again, and looked on the internet for some ideas and inspiration. My Goodness, there are a lot of really talented people out there! So while I am not nearly so gifted with artistic abilities, I did manage to design something that I am very happy with.
Watchya think? Not too shabby for an amateur, eh?
Recently, I had the urge to paint some designs again, and looked on the internet for some ideas and inspiration. My Goodness, there are a lot of really talented people out there! So while I am not nearly so gifted with artistic abilities, I did manage to design something that I am very happy with.
Watchya think? Not too shabby for an amateur, eh?
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Yellowstone Vacation
Every year we try to take a family vacation. This year we couldn't agree on our destination, so we let our five year old pick. He chose Yellowstone. We had taken our oldest son there about nine years ago, but the little one had never been, so we let him have his way.
If you have never been to Yellowstone, add it to your to-do list. It is an amazing and surprising place. It was nothing like I expected. I grew up in Colorado where we have lots of mountains, lakes, parks, and forests, and I guess I expected to see the same things in Yellowstone. Don't get me wrong, it has all of those things, but it also has so much more!
What makes Yellowstone so unique? It is located in a giant volcanic caldera, or supervolcano. It is the largest supervolcano on our continent and is active. Half of the world's geothermal features, such as geysers, hot springs, mud pots and fumaroles are found here. It is like being on a different planet in places. The first time we went, in 2003, there was so much new volcanic activity going on, that some of the features were closed to visitors. They were recording ground temperatures over 200 degrees in these places. The geysers were all erupting more often than usual and we saw so much that was so super cool. This time, there wasn't near as much activity, which was a little disappointing, but we still had a great time.
One of the other great things about Yellowstone is the wildlife. Being from Colorado, I'm used to seeing lots of wildlife, but I have never seen so many different types so close to each other in one day. Our first day there we saw: a moose, grizzly bear, elk, bison, canadian geese and pelicans. Over the course of our visit, we would see many more bison, elk, some deer, antelope and we think we even saw the outline of a wolf chasing a bison herd. Of course, you also see a whole lot of stupid humans trying to get as close as possible to the animals for a great picture. Not the brightest, people!
The one thing that really disappointed me was the mountains. I have not really spent a lot of time outside of Colorado, and I always assumed that other places had mountains like we do. I was really wrong! So far, I have seen nothing to rival our wonderful Colorado mountain ranges. I always laugh when I see the t-shirts they sell in Yellowstone that say: Got Oxygen, Elevation 8,000 feet. We get these t-shirts in Colorado, and for us, 8,000 feet is nothing. My son works at a restaurant on Mt. Evans by Idaho Springs at over 10,000 feet. Of course, Mt. Evans is one of the many Fourteener's here in Colorado, and I never realized how many of them we have here in Colorado. I will not take them for granted any more!
So if you've ever thought about going to Yellowstone but haven't, please do it. If you like nature and walking, it's ideal. If you don't like the Great Outdoors, you probably won't like it, but we had a wonderful time!
If you have never been to Yellowstone, add it to your to-do list. It is an amazing and surprising place. It was nothing like I expected. I grew up in Colorado where we have lots of mountains, lakes, parks, and forests, and I guess I expected to see the same things in Yellowstone. Don't get me wrong, it has all of those things, but it also has so much more!
What makes Yellowstone so unique? It is located in a giant volcanic caldera, or supervolcano. It is the largest supervolcano on our continent and is active. Half of the world's geothermal features, such as geysers, hot springs, mud pots and fumaroles are found here. It is like being on a different planet in places. The first time we went, in 2003, there was so much new volcanic activity going on, that some of the features were closed to visitors. They were recording ground temperatures over 200 degrees in these places. The geysers were all erupting more often than usual and we saw so much that was so super cool. This time, there wasn't near as much activity, which was a little disappointing, but we still had a great time.
One of the other great things about Yellowstone is the wildlife. Being from Colorado, I'm used to seeing lots of wildlife, but I have never seen so many different types so close to each other in one day. Our first day there we saw: a moose, grizzly bear, elk, bison, canadian geese and pelicans. Over the course of our visit, we would see many more bison, elk, some deer, antelope and we think we even saw the outline of a wolf chasing a bison herd. Of course, you also see a whole lot of stupid humans trying to get as close as possible to the animals for a great picture. Not the brightest, people!
The one thing that really disappointed me was the mountains. I have not really spent a lot of time outside of Colorado, and I always assumed that other places had mountains like we do. I was really wrong! So far, I have seen nothing to rival our wonderful Colorado mountain ranges. I always laugh when I see the t-shirts they sell in Yellowstone that say: Got Oxygen, Elevation 8,000 feet. We get these t-shirts in Colorado, and for us, 8,000 feet is nothing. My son works at a restaurant on Mt. Evans by Idaho Springs at over 10,000 feet. Of course, Mt. Evans is one of the many Fourteener's here in Colorado, and I never realized how many of them we have here in Colorado. I will not take them for granted any more!
So if you've ever thought about going to Yellowstone but haven't, please do it. If you like nature and walking, it's ideal. If you don't like the Great Outdoors, you probably won't like it, but we had a wonderful time!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
School Year's Resolutions
Tomorrow is the first day of school for both of my kids. My 17 year old will be a senior and my 5 year old will be in Kindergarten. For those of you who just did the math in their heads, here goes:
Yes, my children are 12 years apart.
No, we didn't plan it that way.
Yes, they have the same father (and mother).
Yes, we understand what causes this.
No, we do not plan on doing this every 12 years.
Ok, so now that that's out of the way...
Every year I make "School Year Resolutions". This is going to be the year that I will be organized, prepared and everything will go like clockwork. I will:
Please wish me luck. Or send lots of wine if you feel inclined to do so.
Yes, my children are 12 years apart.
No, we didn't plan it that way.
Yes, they have the same father (and mother).
Yes, we understand what causes this.
No, we do not plan on doing this every 12 years.
Ok, so now that that's out of the way...
Every year I make "School Year Resolutions". This is going to be the year that I will be organized, prepared and everything will go like clockwork. I will:
- Make the kids go to bed at a decent hour
- Make healthy breakfasts/lunches every day
- Get up at a decent hour so we can be on time and clean
- Check homework/paperwork every night
- Keep in contact with teachers to make sure the boys are doing well
Please wish me luck. Or send lots of wine if you feel inclined to do so.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I Am Who I Am
I am one of those people who claims to not care what people think of me, and for the most part, it's true. I do tend to speak my mind and can be fairly blunt, but that doesn't mean I go out of my way to hurt or upset people. I try to be tactful and treat people the way I would like to be treated, but if someone doesn't agree with me, I'm fine with that. In other words, I am not a people pleaser. I have made some enemies, and that doesn't bother me. I have found a strong group of friends who are like me and, for the most part, appreciate that I say what I feel, or will forgive me later.
There always seems to be one exception to the rule, though. For some reason, I think we all have a person or persons from our pasts or in our lives that we try a little harder to please, and it hurts more when we feel that they are upset with us. My exception is a person who I was very close to in high school. For about two years, we did everything together, and she was my best friend. We even went to the same college and planned on living together while there. However, she graduated from high school before I did, and that's when I started to realize that I was much more invested in the friendship than she was. She really seemed to be bothered by certain decisions I made, such as not finishing college and getting married fairly young, and she withdrew from me, instead of standing by me. I never expected her to agree with my decisions, but I also didn't expect her to be the kind of person who acts that if I didn't do things the way she thought I should, then I was no longer worthy of being her friend. These decisions didn't ruin my life, in fact, I still believe they were right for me. It hurt, but I moved on with my life and am happy with how things have turned out.
I do have to admit, though, that I still really miss that friendship and wonder why I wasn't good enough. I have reached out to her several times, and while I haven't been entirely rebuked, I have been met with a fairly lukewarm reception. The more I try, the more I realize how shallow and self-involved this person really is (which is what other people have told me for awhile, but I refused to believe it). I have been so angry at myself for holding on this long, for hoping that things can be like they used to and I can have my friend back. Why do I care so much, when I have so many other, better people in my life? It's just not healthy!
So, I made a very big decision today. This particular friend is in town and invited everyone to a local restaurant to catch up. I was invited, along with many other people, and I decided that I would give this one last shot. I would go, see her face to face, and see if I was really justified in my feelings. Late last night, I could think of nothing else. And I realized, that had the situations been reversed, she was important enough to me that I would have tried to get together one-on-one, not with a group. That's when I decided that I was done. I no longer need to know if we can be friends again, because I no longer want to be friends. I left a message saying I wouldn't be making it to the get-together and immediately felt a huge sense of relief. I do not need her.
Instead, I will no longer focus on what used to be and what is missing. I know it won't be easy, and I won't cut off contact completely, but I will no longer be the one to initiate. I will remember that for every person who doesn't appreciate me, I have two more who would support and do anything for me. I know who I am, and will not be ashamed because I made choices that someone didn't agree with. But I will also take comfort in knowing that I tried, and was the better person because of it.
There always seems to be one exception to the rule, though. For some reason, I think we all have a person or persons from our pasts or in our lives that we try a little harder to please, and it hurts more when we feel that they are upset with us. My exception is a person who I was very close to in high school. For about two years, we did everything together, and she was my best friend. We even went to the same college and planned on living together while there. However, she graduated from high school before I did, and that's when I started to realize that I was much more invested in the friendship than she was. She really seemed to be bothered by certain decisions I made, such as not finishing college and getting married fairly young, and she withdrew from me, instead of standing by me. I never expected her to agree with my decisions, but I also didn't expect her to be the kind of person who acts that if I didn't do things the way she thought I should, then I was no longer worthy of being her friend. These decisions didn't ruin my life, in fact, I still believe they were right for me. It hurt, but I moved on with my life and am happy with how things have turned out.
I do have to admit, though, that I still really miss that friendship and wonder why I wasn't good enough. I have reached out to her several times, and while I haven't been entirely rebuked, I have been met with a fairly lukewarm reception. The more I try, the more I realize how shallow and self-involved this person really is (which is what other people have told me for awhile, but I refused to believe it). I have been so angry at myself for holding on this long, for hoping that things can be like they used to and I can have my friend back. Why do I care so much, when I have so many other, better people in my life? It's just not healthy!
So, I made a very big decision today. This particular friend is in town and invited everyone to a local restaurant to catch up. I was invited, along with many other people, and I decided that I would give this one last shot. I would go, see her face to face, and see if I was really justified in my feelings. Late last night, I could think of nothing else. And I realized, that had the situations been reversed, she was important enough to me that I would have tried to get together one-on-one, not with a group. That's when I decided that I was done. I no longer need to know if we can be friends again, because I no longer want to be friends. I left a message saying I wouldn't be making it to the get-together and immediately felt a huge sense of relief. I do not need her.
Instead, I will no longer focus on what used to be and what is missing. I know it won't be easy, and I won't cut off contact completely, but I will no longer be the one to initiate. I will remember that for every person who doesn't appreciate me, I have two more who would support and do anything for me. I know who I am, and will not be ashamed because I made choices that someone didn't agree with. But I will also take comfort in knowing that I tried, and was the better person because of it.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Waldo Canyon Fire - Part 3
For the next two days after the fire, I was in complete shock. The area that I worked in was under mandatory evacuation, so I couldn't go to work. This left me sitting in front of the TV watching hours and hours of new footage on the fire. It was devastating. I couldn't do anything else.
I still couldn't believe how close I had been to the area that was burning. The videos of the houses burning were heartbreaking. I was worried about my job and then felt guilty. People were losing their homes, while I was sitting safe & sound at home worrying abut my livelihood. Several times the smoke was so thick, even at my house 30 miles away, that it was hard to breath and I couldn't go outside.
I was home alone with my 5 year old, who was scared but didn't really understand too much what was going on. My husband and oldest son both work out of the area, which makes it harder. Whenever we aren't together and something like this happens, my mind starts imagining all the bad things that could happen to them. Fortunately, my oldest was able to come home the second day I was home, which did help. I was comforted by the fact that we were together and I knew he was safe.
Thursday night, they lifted the evacuations for my workplace and I got the call that we would be able to go back to work on Friday. I was so relieved! I had been so worried about the fire getting the office or having to shut down for much longer. It had taken me nine months to find this job and I loved it; I didn't want to go through the whole unemployment process ever again.
Friday, the rebuilding started, for some of us. We went back to work and got everything running again. The building smelled of smoke, but nothing had been damaged. Four of my coworkers and their families had to be evacuated from their homes due to the fire, but none of them lost their houses. They also came back to work on Friday, even though they couldn't go home yet. Listening to their stories just reinforced how lucky they had all been. None of them had to go to the shelters; they were able to stay with friends. Most didn't even have smoke damage. Many of the roads in the area were still blocked off, and it seemed a little like a ghost town. But it felt so good to be active, instead of sitting around, wondering whether everything was going to be OK or not.
Every day since then has been better and better. Most of the evacuations are now lifted and we are finally getting some rain. Of course, this means we have to worry about flooding in the damaged areas, but it's still better than the alternative. There was a wonderful benefit concert at the World Arena, which I was able to watch on TV. The community really came together to help out and acknowledge how amazing these wonderful firefighters have been.
It's nice to not worry about the fire every minute now. Then I remember the people who lost their homes or loved ones and feel guilty again...
I still couldn't believe how close I had been to the area that was burning. The videos of the houses burning were heartbreaking. I was worried about my job and then felt guilty. People were losing their homes, while I was sitting safe & sound at home worrying abut my livelihood. Several times the smoke was so thick, even at my house 30 miles away, that it was hard to breath and I couldn't go outside.
I was home alone with my 5 year old, who was scared but didn't really understand too much what was going on. My husband and oldest son both work out of the area, which makes it harder. Whenever we aren't together and something like this happens, my mind starts imagining all the bad things that could happen to them. Fortunately, my oldest was able to come home the second day I was home, which did help. I was comforted by the fact that we were together and I knew he was safe.
Thursday night, they lifted the evacuations for my workplace and I got the call that we would be able to go back to work on Friday. I was so relieved! I had been so worried about the fire getting the office or having to shut down for much longer. It had taken me nine months to find this job and I loved it; I didn't want to go through the whole unemployment process ever again.
Friday, the rebuilding started, for some of us. We went back to work and got everything running again. The building smelled of smoke, but nothing had been damaged. Four of my coworkers and their families had to be evacuated from their homes due to the fire, but none of them lost their houses. They also came back to work on Friday, even though they couldn't go home yet. Listening to their stories just reinforced how lucky they had all been. None of them had to go to the shelters; they were able to stay with friends. Most didn't even have smoke damage. Many of the roads in the area were still blocked off, and it seemed a little like a ghost town. But it felt so good to be active, instead of sitting around, wondering whether everything was going to be OK or not.
Every day since then has been better and better. Most of the evacuations are now lifted and we are finally getting some rain. Of course, this means we have to worry about flooding in the damaged areas, but it's still better than the alternative. There was a wonderful benefit concert at the World Arena, which I was able to watch on TV. The community really came together to help out and acknowledge how amazing these wonderful firefighters have been.
It's nice to not worry about the fire every minute now. Then I remember the people who lost their homes or loved ones and feel guilty again...
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